As a child, the only thing worse to me than liver and onions was the sauerkraut at Kennedy Middle School. No offense to Mrs. Clumsky the lunch lady, but that stuff was nasty! Slimy and soaked in salt, it looked like a pile of dead albino worms sloshing around on my plate.
Which is why it’s surprising that I would agree to my friend Anne coming over to teach me how to make sauerkraut last weekend. But, it’s been years since I’ve tried it (maybe it’s different now?), and the probiotic health benefits give me the courage to risk it.
Make no mistake though, I am VERY uncertain about this. As it rests on the counter, fermenting, I wonder at my willingness to try it. And I think about all the places that I am less eager to risk uncertainty. The higher the potential that I’ll be hurt, the more I want certainty. I want to control. I want to be sure of the outcome.
Control brings comfort. At least that’s what my mind tells me.
And that’s normal. In fact, we’re DESIGNED to be wary of uncertainty to some degree. It’s what has allowed us humans to grow and thrive to this point in our human existence.
When faced with an unknown, our amygdala (the emotional center of our brain) sends chemicals to protect us and prepare our body for danger. Which makes sense when you imagine for example a loud noise of unknown origin bearing down on you. However, we also have a prefrontal cortex, which is the part of our brain that helps us analyze that potential threat. It’s what would help us remember it’s trash day and that’s the refuse truck outside the house. The two need to work in tandem.
We need emotions for things like motivation (i.e. to seek food, shelter, safety) and connection to God and others; AND, we need our PFC to regulate and manage those emotions and make informed decisions in present-moment reality. Too often though, my PFC goes off-line and my emotions lead me astray when I’m not paying attention.
When my pre-frontal cortex goes off-line, I go off!
The fear of discomfort for me (and you?) among other things leads to an unrealistic desire to control. And instead of peace – which is what I’m going for – I get more discomfort. Anger. Anxiety. Depression. Busy-ness. Judgement. (Insert your own here).
All uncertainty is uncomfortable, because it involves the unknown. Some things we can prepare for (will I run out of gas? will it be raining?…) but most things, we can’t (will they like me? should I take this job? will they find a cure? how do I keep my kids from being hurt?…).* The trick is knowing the difference and finding a way to manage our “fear” so we can live the full life we’ve been created for.
One idea that can help? Try Curiosity over Control
When we fear uncertainty, our natural tendency is to KNOW - the outcome, the process, the steps, every potential problem and how to avoid it, etc. – so we won’t feel discomfort. This is impossible of course, but you can use that desire to know to your advantage.
Instead of trying to know all about the situation, shift to trying to know more about yourself in the situation.
Use the situation to get curious about what’s coming up in you. A few questions to ask yourself might be:
^ What’s the fear?
^ Where did I learn this?
^ What can I learn from this situation if I do something different?
^ Where have I acted in spite of the fear and survived, even thrived?
^ What AM I certain of that will sustain me? (i.e. What’s True of God and what’s True of me?)
^ What might my future self say to me right now?
So, to recap
- A healthy dislike of uncertainty is normal and even protective
- Taken to extremes, it robs us of LIFE to the full (Jn 10:10)
- When faced with a desire to control (to avoid uncertainty), notice it, validate it, allow yourself to feel the emotions coming up and then use your Pre-Frontal Cortext to get CURIOUS.
Face the uncertainty. Because every single time,
DISCOMFORT LEADS to DISCOVERY!
and eventually growth and greater peace.
And maybe even a new relationship with sauerkraut.
😉
I'll let you know how I like the sauerkraut... And you let me know where you're going to risk uncertainty this week! Here are a couple of resources that may help:
The Welcoming Prayer
Making Room For Painful Feelings
Either way, know that I'm
Celebrating YOU!
Maggie. 💜
*After we talked about control last week I heard from so many of you how the desire for it shows up: In our workplace, with our kids, our ministry, health, relationships, finances, pets - ok, that one was me :). I'm always thrilled to get your input and insights. Keep 'em coming!
